im thinking

i am so genuinely excited for all my FB friends who are gearing up to race IMCDA this weekend. i find myself listing them all in my head as i am driving in my car or swimming laps in the pool. i wonder what each of them is feeling at that moment 5 days out, then 4 days out ...

i can't help but think back to when i raced IMLP. i was so utterly freaked out ready to shit my pants at any moment scared that i feel like i missed out on a lot. the days leading up to the race are still a bit of a blur.

i wrote a race report after it even though i didn't have a blog back then. i wanted to get all written down because memory fades and i needed to remember. maybe one day i'll post it.

i don't know if i'll ever do another ironman. i think i have a lot of triathlete maturing to do before i attempt it again. i didn't really fall in love with the race distance, but i did fall in love with the training.

almost 3 years later i still love it. i'm out of the rhythm of really long distance days, but i know i would slide right back in. i miss late afternoon drool sessions on the couch after a 6 hour ride. i miss the feeling i got each time the distance was "upped" and i would marvel that i had just done something that at one time seemed downright un-doable.

when i sit and think about all the friends who are racing IMCDA on sunday, my wish for them is that they take it all in. no matter what the days before and the day of bring, it's their journey, their story and they get to keep it forever. they've each worked long and hard for it. everyone of them has made sacrifices and had triumphs along the way. it fills my heart up just thinking about it.

i'm already cheering and sending love, speed and lots of fulfilled dreams your way!!

^..^

the wavy chop

no, it's not a new hairdo ... it's the ocean conditions i swam in yesterday!

as you know, i've been in the ocean more this season. i've been going to a weekly weds. morning "speed circuit" where we swim about 250 meters out to a buoy, come back in, run up the beach a ways, round an orange cone, down the beach about 50 meters, round another cone and back into the water. run, swim, rinse, repeat.

it's been a blast!

on the drive down there each week i don't let myself think about what i am on my way to do. i just drive: "doot, da, doot, da, doot ... here i am in my car at 5:45am ... driving along ... doot, da, doot, da, doot" and just like that i'm in the parking lot, lubing up with body glide, wrestling myself into the kielbasa casing known as my wetsuit and splashing around with 100+ of my closest neoprene-clad friends.

the other week i did a record (for me) 4 loops. SO PROUD!!

yesterday i had an unexplained sinking feeling in my stomach as i doot-da-dooted my way toward the beach. uneasy. queasy.

got to beach and just kept taking one sketchy footstep after the other.

i got into the water and, as beth would say, HOLY CATS!! sure, it looked dark and ominous from up on the sand, but it didn't look ... uh ... quite so wavy or choppy. damn, it's wavy choppy!!!

immediately i lost my breath. it was a little colder than it's been recently. it was rough. i was anxious. all put together = cat can't really breathe so good.

j. was a sweetheart as we both had flashbacks to my untold ocean freak outs where i insisted: "I CAN'T DO THIS!!! DON'T LEAVE ME BY MYSELF!!! WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?!?! I'M GETTING OUT. WAIT, I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT ALONE!?!? HEEEELP!!!"

as usual he said, "try one loop". i decided to try. i stopped every couple of breaths making sure there was no confusion on his part that "i'm not sure i can do this". i didn't want my fear to win, i didn't want to have to navigate getting out alone, i didn't want j. to not get his workout done, i didn't want to get the idea stuck in my head that the ocean was scary and that i take a powder and go for breakfast when it gets rough (which i do, but i wasn't in the mood to prove it to myself).

so i did the loop. it was a rough go, but the extreme freak out i felt at first subsided. until, of course, we had to head in and what were probably mid-sized waves looked to me like building-collapsing tidal waves. i knew it was bad when i screamed to j. that i just wanted the other people swimming near me to get the hell away from me!! what? how will that help? no idea. i was irrational.

okay, i'm writing this so obviously i got back to shore. whew!

j. headed out for another loop and i sat on the sand, totally relieved to be done and totally bummed that i wasn't going back out. i watched people run up the beach and excitedly run back out. our friend josh ran up and looked at me "all done?" he asked. i'm not sure what i replied, but it was something of the "you betcha" variety.

j. came back out and next thing i knew i was at his side saying i wanted to go back out. it didn't look so bad. he looked at me, looked at the ocean and said "yeah? okay ... sure, it doesn't look that bad from here ..."

guess what, it was worse than the first time around! well, the conditions were but i wasn't. i was up and over a big wave, swimming in mid-air. that part was actually kind of fun. the buoy ... well, i couldn't really see it but there were still enough people out there that i was able to keep my bearings.

on the exit i got slightly pummeled, but nothing too bad.

i was as proud of doing that second loop yesterday as i was of having done 4 last week. sure i got a total of something like 17 minutes of swimming in (and that includes a lot of wading, stopping, diving, orienting), BUT i got a ton of confidence and character building in that 17 minutes.

j. went out for yet another loop (stud). i was a wee bit nervous as he and his two friends headed out in the complete opposite direction of the buoy, but they soon realized the conditions had taken them off course and righted themselves.

after the swim i declared we were going for blueberry pancakes. heavenly, hearty, gluten-filled pancakes. that swim was a triumph worthy of my favorite breakfast. shoot, had baskin & robbins been open i might have even gotten myself a scoop of mint chocolate chip on my way to work.

here's to the wavy chop not gettin' you down!

^..^

bonelli race report

today (oops, now yesterday) i raced the bonelli olympic tri. i’ve done this race a few times before. i like it because it’s only 45 miles from home so racing it doesn’t require an overnight stay … which requires way too much packing and planning. i like to sleep in my own bed and just get up (albeit still at 4:15am) and head out to the site.

i think i’ve done this race 3 or 4 times and every time j. has been my 'sherpa extraordinaire', but today he was going to be racing as well and i was so excited! we haven’t raced the same (multisport) race since vineman half in 2007. our friends jen, kevin and josh were racing as well. i wasn’t sure if having friends racing would increase my race anxiety or lessen it. for today, it lessened it and i was thrilled.

i didn’t feel anything like the nerves i usually feel pre-race. in fact, throughout the week i kept on saying to myself “wait, what do i have going on this weekend?” because i sensed there was something big i needed to remember and then i’d be like “oh right, i’m racing!!” that is SO not my pre-race attitude. maybe it’s because this race wasn’t on my original schedule. after napa i added it because i wanted to see what i could do with a shorter distance … and NO RAIN (hopefully). ironically, as we drove to san dimas the dark, dark skies were threatening a downpour. luckily, no rain appeared. in fact, it was glorious out there. the sun just started peeking through the clouds as my swim wave went off.

ah, the swim! seems that what happens when you are more confident with your swim and you line up toward the front and don’t fade immediately is … you get a lot more contact. i got punched in the head and my goggles went all askew. the one thing i do not like about bonelli is their lack of a buoy that you can actually sight off of. i looked back over my past race reports and i was giving myself such a bad time in them for having stopped periodically throughout the swim to “locate myself”. i always assumed it was just that i sucked at sighting. having been in open water a bit more, recently, i can say that I do not suck at it. i definitely could get better, but i have the skill needed and what bonelli needs is something larger than what they refer to as “a salmon egg”. HA! i think they call it that because of its shape and color, but they ought to call it that because its size, relative to the body of water we are in, is like that of salmon roe atop a piece of sushi. sight off of that!

anyway, the swim was fine, other than the increased contact. i found myself getting a little “sigh … can this swim end yet?” at one point, but it was all good.

out on the bike course i had to play that balancing act between “this is a short race, go hard” and “save a little for the run”. there are a lot of new folks who do the relay and sprint (the sprint is one loop of the three loop course) and unfortunately what you get with that is a lot of people who do not know the rules about not passing on the right and about dropping back when you’ve been passed and about going back over to the right when you’ve passed someone. i’m a rule follower and a stickler for safety, so it sorta chapped my ass, but i tried to just make sure that people knew where i was and watched out.

i could feel on the bike that the nerve/back/hamstring/whatever issue i’ve been battling was flaring up. i was uncomfortable, to say the least, but not muscle uncomfortable. i’m not sure how to describe it, but i know the difference.

off the bike i was afraid the issues i was having were going to be a factor, but i tried to push the thought out of my head and just trust that things would shake out as i ran. the bonelli run course is an interesting one. i wouldn’t call it flat, flat … but i also would not call it hilly. it’s always been a fairly challenging run for me. it’s usually crazy hot and i suppose my legs always feel those three bike loops. i tried to settle in and not judge my race. i looked at the pretty scenery. i thought about positive things.

funny how recently when i am on the run of a brick or race and i want to think of positive things, one of the things that I’ve been saying is “i am so happy i didn’t crash on the bike!” hahaha. that makes me laugh … it’s sort of a negative positive in its own way. but the reality is that the older i get the more afraid of crashing i become. the other thing i was grateful for was the lack of heat. i wasn’t having any of my bloating issues despite not being able to “do my business” before the race.

i hung in there, but the nag in my hip and hamstring were just not going away. my legs didn’t feel particularly heavy, but i couldn’t push more than i was. when i’d become conscious that i had been “accepting” my pace, i would think about liz and what she had said to me about picking it up for 10 seconds and then holding it there. i tried, jeez … i tried.

it’s sounding like i am unhappy with the race. i’m not. i think i’m just a little frustrated. i was saying to j. on the car ride home that i feel like i am SO dedicated to my training, i work very hard. i rarely, if ever, blow off a workout. i plan for them all, i prepare, i follow instructions, i work hard. i take my recovery and nutrition seriously. but i feel like the end result doesn’t equal the work i put into it. he made the very astute point, of “but what if you didn’t do those things? you would probably be slower.” he’s right, i probably would be and that’s a reality that’s tough for me because it means i sort of have to just accept that i am who i am.

sure i can continue to work hard to maintain and dollars-to-doughnuts i’ll have breakthrough training and racing times, but i won’t suddenly become someone who runs in the 6-7 minute mile range off the bike. i want to be that girl. okay, so if i’m not going to be her, i want to at least feel like busting my ass 6 days a week produces a shift, some growth, some speed. boo hoo, right? i know, i know, but it's all relative and i’ll get over myself soon.

back to the race for a second. as i was running along on a little out and back section i saw j. coming toward me. as we passed i yelled out “come on, come catch me!” i knew he could, but he didn’t look too thrilled about the prospect of trying, but i also KNEW given a few seconds he’d be like “hell yeah, i’m gonna go catch her”.

a while later i heard a couple of footsteps behind me. i just knew they were j’s. funny how you can recognize your partner before you even see them. i turned around and it was him! i had the feeling he was going to hold up and want to run it in to the finish with me, but i really wanted him to press on. he’s got great running legs when he’s not injured and i wanted him to have that experience today, that success.

as he approached i cheered him on and said “come on, go, go, go!!” he did and watching him gazelle off into the distance made me so happy for him. he loves running more than anything and watching the mental anguish that chronic calf and achilles pain causes him is just no fun.

j. has spectated for me at the race so many times that i am used to him being at certain points on the course. when i exited the water, i missed him screaming (to the ear damaging distress of the other spectators) “GO CAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”. out on the bike course, i missed feeling like a tour de france rider as i went past him on each loop. before he passed me today, i had the fleeting thought of “dang, j. won’t be at the finish screaming his bloody head off for me”, but as he ran off toward the finish i thought to myself, “yeah, he’ll be there when i cross the line! i sure hope he’s not too tired to scream!!" he may not have screamed, but he sure did look just as proud as all the other times.

okay, racing pity party over. time to talk to my coach and try to figure out what i can and cannot do to try to achieve the milestones i want and then … time to eat pizza!!!

^..^

*sorry for the lack of photos. there are only two of me and i look like an oompa loompa in both!

25 days of randomness

25 days since i last wrote! way too much life gets lived and forgotten in 25 days to be able to report on it all, so i picked 25 random things to mention ... in no particular order of occurrence, importance or interest:

1. since i last wrote i have swum in the ocean something like 4 or 5 times. each one has been phenomenal. ocean swimming has always been a challenge for me so getting out there this often and having a blast with it each time really makes my year!

2. i picked the wrong time of year to read "swimming to antarctica". on the one hand it inspired the heck out of me, on the other ... it plants thoughts of sharks i never had before! that being said, if you get a chance to pick it up, do it ... lynne cox is amazing!

3. i was so excited to hear, in an interview with frank mccourt (owner of the dodgers and now owner of the l.a. marathon) that they are working on making the l.a. marathon a point-to-point race starting at dodger stadium and ending at the beach. i've always thought that the l.a. marathon ought to be a point-to-point passing through all the iconic los angeles sights. i don't really have a strong desire to run l.a. again, but that certainly would increase the chances.

4. over the past 25 days i've become well skilled at administering sub-cutaneous fluid treatments to a cat. this is not a skill i ever knew existed and really wish i didn't need to learn. fraidycat was diagnosed with kidney disease just before we went up to napa and it's been a heartbreaking few weeks getting used to what that means and how to manage it. the upshot is, there is no cure. we can do things (like the fluid treatment) to prolong his life and to help him feel better and that's a blessing. he's taking it like a champ and i've got to say, it's clear that it's very, very helpful. send him a kitty prayer.

here we are watching the giro d'italia

5. i was tagged with the blogger "8 things" that was going around. i thought that would be an easy way to bang out a blog post, but i found myself not wanting to do it. bottom line was that i judged myself for some of my answers and didn't want to post it for fear of judgement by others. interesting blogging phenomenon.

6. ivan basso has gotten LOTS of nice face-time during the giro this year. color me a happy shade of pink. : )


7. a few times recently i've used my run workout as transportation. i LOVE doing that. there is something, for me, that feels really cool about it. it feels like i am running somewhere other than home. i see my city in a new and different way and i experience a freedom in going from point to point that i usually don't get on a regular route from home.

8. i spent 5 hours of yesterday hitting the refresh button on my computer so i could keep up on how michelle was doing at the hawaii 70.3. despite the fact that ironmanlive.com is anything but live (hello, could you please use those inflated race entry fees to improve your technology!!??) i sat here with fraidy being her biggest virtual spectathlete. she won the swim and the bike for her age group and was up in the top six women mixing it up with the pro women. this woman had a baby 7 short months ago and despite a tough run plagued with leg cramps she tore it up. she's one of my heroes, not just because she's smokin' fast but because she's a beautiful, strong, dedicated woman who is finding her way as a new mother and an athlete and she shares her journey honestly.

9. yesterday my brother and his girlfriend ran the brooklyn half marathon. unfortunately my brother had to pull out at mile 3 due to his back going into full spasm. i feel for him and wish i could have been there to support him like he did me during both ironman lake placid and the new york marathon. his girlfriend finished and said that she felt "super good the whole way". after napa i have to say that all time goals aside, really, isn't that the best and the most we can ask for!?!

10. i love roasted artichokes.

11. i've been having intermittent tingling/numbness in my feet and hands. it freaks me out. i've suspected for a while that i've had some nerve impingement issues. i've been to umpteen dr's., chiropractors, massage therapists, woo-woo voo-doo healers, but me thinks it's time to suck it up and get myself into one of them there claustrophobic MRI machines.

12. yesterday i had something like 5 or 6 friends (that i know of) climbing up mt. palomar in san diego. i have yet to do this epic ride, but it is definitely on my list of things to do soon!!

13. why does the whole foods i shop at seem to always be out of the items i use most? seriously, whose buying up all the low fat vanilla almond milk, clover honey, buckwheat cereal and chicken andouille sausages??!! and why won't the whole foods buyer increase their inventory??

14. i watched danilo di luca and denis menchov's entire time trials on the last stage of the giro through parted fingers over my face. palms sweating, stomach tight. you'd think i was watching "texas chainsaw massacre".

15. i need to get back into the habit of using my foam roller everyday, it makes such a huge difference.


16. i cannot wait for july 4th this year.
a) it's one of my most favorite holidays and just makes me want to eat strawberry shortcake
b) it's the day of one of my most favorite 10k's
c) it's the first day of the tour this year
can. not. wait.

17. my friends amy and angel are getting married at the end of june. i am so excited for them!

18. have you tried cinnamon roll larabars? ohmyyummygoodness!! it's a gluten free treat not to be believed!


19. the state of california is so completely eff'ed! same sex couple's cannot marry in our state and our finances are a complete shambles. yesterday i read this article and it just killed me. i know there is nowhere "good" to cut from, but my god ...

20. we went to see the movie "earth". i loved it, because i love all that national geographic, animal planet stuff BUT turns out it's footage from "planet earth" which, as the lover of all things animal, i had already seen. i didn't mind seeing it, but i felt kinda ripped off that they repackaged it and did say so ahead of time. it's like they just swapped out sigourney weaver's voice for james earl jones'.

21. it seems like a whole 'nother wave of friends are suddenly having babies. i'm so excited for all of them.

22. not to go all cycling heavy on my list of 25 random things, BUT it broke my heart hearing people (giro spoiler stop reading if you haven't watched it yet) boo denis menchov. i understand patriotism and all, but come on ... the man was rock solid. he earned that pink jersey and deserves the utmost respect.

23. i collect pig tchotchkes. i luv 'em and if they have angel wings on them i love them even more! over the years a lot of people have given me winged pigs and as i look around my apartment it warms my heart to see them and to think of the people who thought of me when they found them.

24. i'm excited to start mixing and matching workouts in order to train for s.o.s. it's a funky format bike/run/swim/run/swim/run/swim/run. all told it will be 30 miles of biking, almost 19 miles of trail running and 2 miles of swimming. shoes go with you on the swim, goggles and swim cap on the run. i generally fuel my races on all liquid calories, but that's not really an option for this race. i won't be carrying nutrition with me, so that's going to make for some interesting summertime experiments.

25. i thought writing in list format would make writing a blog post faster and more efficient. i was wrong, but it was fun.

^..^

still the same gal

yup, that's right. i re-posted my napa valley race report. i may have been all at peace and in the flow while racing, but i'm still the same anal gal i've always been and all those typos, bad phrasings and tiny little pictures were just setting me nuts!

good to know i've still got the perfectionist in me!

^..^

napa valley half iron race report

wow. i don't even know where to start. for those of you on facebook and twitter you know from my most awesome sherpas, j. and molly, that it was a cold, wet, rainy day today in napa. here's the low-down from my end ...


i'll start right off with t.m.i. and tell you that i have a long and painful history of not being able to "do my business" before racing. it's led to more gastric distress and blown races than i care to remember. not because i do a "jen harrison" (sorry, jen i couldn't resist) ... i don't get the runs like a lot of folks, but my stomach stops processing calories and i wind up with a stomach the size of a pregnant woman ... carrying twins! and, like at lake placid, i keep ducking into port o' potties certain that THIS time it will happen because it sure feels like it, but always "no dice".

as some of you also know, i've been on a no wheat, gluten, soy or dairy diet for a month or so . this diet was done partly in an effort to figure out some of my racing digestive issues.

so this morning you can imagine my disappointment when we left the hotel without anything being "different". but, hopefully you can also imagine my elation when we got to transition and suddenly "doh! i gotta go" and i did. : ) my season opener was already being kicked off with a p.r.


so, to the race ... well, actually ... to the day before the race. j. and i came up late thursday night so i could preview the course on friday. holy hilliness!! my friend who had done the race had said that it was hilly, but i never got a good sense for just HOW hilly. the race had posted an elevation map, but it was all pulled and squeezed and i knew it wasn't quite accurate. basically what i saw yesterday was that the first 30 miles of the bike were HILLY, then about 10 miles of some super nice straightaways and a couple of rollers and then 10 miles of HILLY and then 6 miles of rollers. ouch!

the run is an out-and-back-out-and-back. and ooooh, it looked tough. no one hill was THAT big, but it was basically a series of three hills, with somewhat corresponding downhills that you did 4 times. it looked like tough work. not un-doable and probably somewhat fun as a stand alone, but i knew each one would get exponentially harder.

the swim is a self-seeded start of about 100 swimmers per wave. fastest swimmers going first. this also meant co-ed. i had initially thought i'd start in the second wave, but when liz and i discussed it we actually decided that the back of the first wave would be better for me. i don't like a lot of people around me when i swim and this was probably my best shot at "clean" water. also, i get super duper nervous before races and waiting to get in the water would probably just make that worse. best i just get to the shore, get in and go without a lot of thinking about it.


the swim was my best swim ever!!! i don't know if it is my best half IM swim time because it was super short, but i felt super. i had NO problems breathing, i felt long and strong, my sighting was seamless. i came out of the water in 27:20, but i can pretty much guarantee you that, barring any other short swims, that will be the fastest swim time i will ever see at a half ironman race. i don't care, i'll take it. and most of all i'll take the fantastic experience of a good swim. i would have been happy to have had the swim distance it was supposed to be because i felt that good!


when i got out of the water it was already raining. i was going to throw on arm warmers, but i ran by a guy struggling to get his on and i thought 'i'd rather spend the time putting on gloves (damn that's hard to do when you are wet) since my hands get super cold and numb'.

i settled in for the first 20 minutes on the bike, just like i had planned. i started to pick it up around 25 min. in and about 8 min. later was thinking 'wow, i feel so super bouncy and like there is no resistance'. oh shoot, i suddenly remembered what that feeling was. it had been a looong time since i had felt it. a flat. yup.

my rear tire was totally flat. i pulled off the road and did what i needed to do and like a good girl was sure to run my hand along the inside of the tire to see if anything was stuck in it. i found the eensyest, teensyest piece of wire stuck in it. the thing was so fine i couldn't pull it out with my fingers. i pressed it enough from the other side to be able to pull it out with my teeth! finally the tire was fixed, but the wheel didn't seem to want to go back on. i fiddled with this and that and finally got it back on and started back up.

i rode past j. and molly about 200 meters later. i was at total peace with the fact that i had just lost about 15 minutes. it's funny, those are the things that i worry about ahead of time, but when it actually does happen i seem to be calm and collected about it. a few hilly miles later i knew something was wrong with my bike. i just wasn't getting the kind of speed i should have been. i got off the bike again and apparently the back brake had shifted to one side and was rubbing. i pushed and pulled on it. spun my wheel around and got back on. a mile or so later, same thing. this time i pushed and pulled harder and finally decided to open up the doohickey that brings the brake pads out to the side and left it that way. i was nervous to make that call because of the intense rain and tricky road i knew i had ahead, but i was also sick of doinking around with the thing.

at miles 13 i felt a little hamstring twinge and decided i would rather hold up a little on my efforts on the bike in order to make it through the run. i've had some nerve stuff in my back and it seems to effect my hamstrings and calves so i was sure to keep lifting my tuchus off the saddle and made sure i was engaging my core so that i wasn't pulling on my low back.

finally at around mile 30 i was able to pick it up and was riding more like the rider that i know i am. i felt strong and powerful and was yee-haaaing as i went. it was piss pouring rain and the wind was so dang cold, but i was happy. i think i was the happiest i've ever been during a race. funny, considering the fact that for the first 30 miles i had technical issues and was scared out of my mind on the descents. it was so wet, the roads were all messed up and it was kind of hard to see with all the water on my sunglasses, yet i was still happy. at mile 40 the fear of something bad happening had completely lifted. i knew i was going to make it unscathed.

i was racing napa to qualify for SOS in sept. i had to do a 50 min. swim, a 4 hour bike and a 2:10 run. the swim i knew wouldn't be a problem, the bike i also was 99% sure wouldn't be an issue (though i did have a slight doubt after previewing it yesterday!). the run, well i knew my run ability was definitely able to get me in under 2:10, but it was a matter of what would happen with my nutrition this time around.

so back to the bike ... funny thing is, that after my flat i never looked at my watch again until mile 50. at first i wasn't conscious of it and then when i realized i hadn't looked at it, i decided not to. i was having such a great time and i didn't want to take that away if it turned out i was unhappy with the time i saw. i knew i was giving it my best for what i had and how the conditions were so there wasn't anything more that i could really do. at mile 50 i looked at it and was so happy to see that i was at 3:17:00. i knew i'd make the bike qualifying time i needed and i was also pleased that that meant if i subtracted the time for flat and mechanicals that i was actually riding a pretty strong ride on a tough course! final bike time was 3:40:18.

those last 6 miles seemed sorta endless. it was another challenging section of rollers. but finally i was back in. i was s-o-a-k-e-d. i don't think i'll warm up and dry out for months! i had my race debut of taking my feet out of my shoes while still on the bike. j. has been wanting me to learn and i practiced a couple of times on the sly and i was psyched to give him a little show. : )

out on the run ... the run out is a long, steep, little road that serve as the car entry into the park and it HURT off of the bike. the plan was for me to "settle in" for the first three miles and much like the settling in i did on the bike, i was grateful for it. i couldn't have pushed that section and it was mentally great for me to not attach to the pain i felt being how it would be for the whole run because i was able to keep telling myself "you're just settling in here".


i won't lie, the run hurt. my heart rate was never very high ... it wasn't the huffing and puffing kind of hurt that i am used to ... it was just a grindy, ouch kind of hurt deep in my legs and feet. i just hung in there. i thought of all the tough runs i did during training, that really helped. i kept telling myself "turn over, turn over, turn over", "you're strong", "cruise, cruise, cruise". i shortened my stride on the uphills, i looked at the downhills as "free speed", i never got outside of myself. i came in to the halfway turn around in 58 minutes. i was thrilled with that. i knew i would have to fall off A LOT to miss my qualifying time, but i also knew that things can and do sometimes unravel very quickly. so i stayed in myself. i stayed in control. i did what i needed to do to get it done and that meant thinking positively, keeping my form, not thinking about the time (i stopped looking at my watch after the turn around) focusing on each little task at hand ... this uphill, that downhill, this tangent, that sip of water, this hit of gu.


there were times i slowed down and times where i picked it up. i'm not sure how much i actually modulated the pace, but it didn't matter. i came into that last mile and half feeling strong, but also feeling ready to be done. i hit the finish line in 1:59:27, more than enough time to qualify for SOS and actually a PR on the run for the half ironman distance. this is only my third half IM, so i think i have faster in me and it gives me something to work for ... but on this day at this race ... i couldn't be happier with it.



oh and that pesky digestion problem? it did not rear it's ugly head today!!! woo hoo!!! no big pregnant belly for me, leaving me walking with nothing but side stitches and belches. i think it's probably a combination of the new diet as well as the temperature. hot weather kills both my pace and digestion and to date, most of the races where i have had stomach problems have been hot ones.

without a doubt this was my best race, mentally. i feel like i did everything to help myself along. i made some judgment calls both mechanically and nutritionally. i stuck with my plan. i didn't beat up on myself, but i never slacked off. all of that, for me, is success. i've gone faster at the overall distance, but i've never been as satisfied with the outcome. that, for me, is HUGE progress.

at the end of the race a man who i had kept pace with for my first 6 miles and his last 6 came up to me and said "i just want to say, you had the best attitude out there today. you were so positive and encouraging to everyone you passed and you definitely helped me when i was having a hard time (man, he didn't LOOK like he was having a hard time, but i guess it's all relative). it was so gratifying to hear him say what he did. if i can be the athlete i want to be (though of course we all want to go faster, but you know what i mean) at the same time as i am being the human being i want to be ... heck, i've lived a good day, raced a good race and am proud.

i have to thank molly and j. for standing out in some of the most miserable conditions today. i don't know how they did it. their constant twitter and facebook updates were a treat to read post-race and seeing everyone's comments made me feel great.

we had a scrumptious dinner with molly and soon we'll be hitting the hay in order to get up tomorrow and do it all over again for her while she races. i can't wait to cheer her on and see her rock her race!!

^..^

what's working

i just spent longer than i want to admit on writing a post (or ranting, as the case may be). i got half way through it and heard the words a friend of mine said the other day. he said that for the past few years he's been focusing in what's working in his life instead of what he needs to work on/fix.

i've heard the same concept in different words a million times. i've heard "turn negatives into positives", etc. , etc. but there was something about the way he said it. there was a simplicity and a clarity. we hear it when we hear it, ya know?

so i thought of that i was writing and it made me not want to publish the rant about the jerk who did this on the pch and the knucklehead who did that. sure, they were funny anecdotes and they were things that bothered me at the time, but in the end ... those things were not my ride.

what made my ride was so much more. and so much better.

it was beautiful out today (albeit a bit hot for my taste). i was doing my last long ride before napa. i rode along the pch. i was committed to working hard and making it count. i did. i love that, when i KNOW that i did what was needed ... that i didn't look for an easier softer way that ultimately would undermine my confidence.

on top of all that, i saw pods and pods and pods of dolphins. they always make me smile and when i'm on my bike almost make me crash!

dolphins make me smile and want to cry all at the same time. they touch me in a way that i was never able to explain, until a few years ago ...

i was on the beach in malibu and i saw a bunch of dolphins playing in waves. i stood there and just stared. i could look at them forever. there was a random man standing a bit behind me. i couldn't contain my happiness at seeing them. i always want to confirm with someone else that they see them too and that they think they are amazing as well. as if they are some magical, mysterious thing that may not even be there!

i looked back at the man, as if to say "see that?!?! aren't they fantastic!?!?!" he smiled so i told him how they stir me. how i involuntarily get tears in my eyes and my heart sort of floats and is squeezed all at once.

he said simply: "that is your soul being touched". oh my god. that was it. i knew it in that instant. i'll never forget those words. he was so matter of fact about it and was so right.

i look at dolphins and my soul is touched. tickled even.

isn't that the best????

^..^

photo courtesy of j.